I know this only because I was told if I go to Lord and Taylor’s On fifth between 38th and 39th I will get free food and drinks.
I like free drinks and I like free food. Both together and nothing is better. So I promised Olivia I would meet her and a friend of hers there.
She was coming from making money testing a game in the Flatiron district just 20 blocks south and I was coming in from Brooklyn.
She beat me there.
I was taking my time playing Skyrim and didn’t leave until 6:00 and didn’t arrive at Penn station until 6:30.
Midtown is hell any time of the year, especially right off the train near Madison Square Garden. Today was worse. I turned the wrong way out of the subway and fought the crowd a block before realizing my mistake.
I stopped and stood near a red carpet event. An MC was pumping up the crowd and the crowd was cheering. I didn’t cheer I couldn’t understand a word the guy on the mic said. The crowd cheered luke warm as if disappointment had been served already and little anticipation remained.
On the East side of the red carpet the crowd was thick. On the West I had a chance to lean up against some scaffolding inches from the carpet and send Olivia a text message.
I was curious if I was about to see famous people.
As I hit send on my phone I scanned the crowd and everyone I laid eyes on seemed to be excited, bubbling, it was contagious, I wanted to see famous people, like at a zoo and standing near an empty lion enclosure knowing at any second the king of the beasts may emerge from within his little cave and do something animalistic.
I knew I wouldn’t have long to wait until my wife texted back with more instruction on were to meet her so I decided to stay where I was until I got the text.
The crowd got excited as three women approached the red carpet. As they passed I saw too much makeup and one of the women with very little ass at the top of her legs next to one wearing a leopard print “thing” and the third was invisible between them.
I was unimpressed, but the crowd cheered and the MC said something loud into his Microphone, which was as incomprehensible as the announcement of a bored subway train operator telling the train which stop the train was at and which one was next.
Not expecting to actually see anything interesting I left walking the correct direction this time after I got the text with instruction.
I was heading to what would end up being Lord and Taylors. I skipped over her suggestion to find a key, not knowing what she meant and found her sitting on a bench on the 8th floor. Her friend who invited us had taken off and left us to our own devices, he couldn’t wait for me to show up. I felt bad, he was a fun guy, but Olivia suggested he needed to be quick because he had family stuff to deal with.
She handed me a wilted beverage she said was tequila and lemonade. It was horrible but free so I drank it down and we went looking for more.
Her goal was to unlock padlocks that would lead us to prizes. I heard her mention 2 Ipads and decided it may be worth it disgusting beverages aside, but still neglected to go get a key for myself.
After two more lemonquila’s we found equally watered down vodka and blackberry kool aide, not much better so I slammed it somehow feeling even more sober then when I walked in the building.
We found a number of lines to chat in ending with a failed twisting of a key in a pad lock.
It took three sparkling wines to actually get bored enough to look at the pamphlet I had somehow come into procession of.
We were standing in line for a T-shirt designed by a reality TV personality, some modeling show, I’d know it if I heard the name, but have never seen an episode. We meant to unlock padlocks not get t-shirts scribbled on by fashionisto want-a-bes.
The pamphlet said something about Kim Kardashian, and I asked Olivia, “the porn star?”
She nodded, looking disappointed and said, “Uh-huh.”
Finally feeling a bit buzzed we heard the crowd erupt somewhere on the second floor. I moved towards it.
My wife slowed behind me.
I wanted to see, “come on, Babe,” I requested.
She did not seem to care walking slowly behind me.
The crowd screamed again.
I looked for my wife, and she was no where. She had disappeared. Was a game of find the spouse about to begin?
I stopped, disappointed, looking for her and finally she appeared, sluggishly walking towards me as if uninterested in seeing this famous for porn person, but she was too late and the crowd was waving goodbye to Kim, who turned out is a six foot five bald black man.
What a waste.
Next year I think I will skip Fashion week and just keep playing Skyrim, free drinks or not, plus I never did find any free food.
No comments:
Post a Comment